Good Old American Plastic Love

Such a carelessness and recklessness of one’s heart. The negligence of a love that is eternal, for a life of unhappiness, Bar setting, and expectations that are always obtained but never satisfying enough. How can one be so cruel to someone who loves her more than even himself. I know it doesn’t make sense, but all is true, and I'm still attempting to understand what has happened and how to deal with it only curdles my brain. Lumps and lumps of solidified thoughts floating in a soup heartache and loss. Maybe not a loss, I like to be optimistic, but its hard when it isnt the first time but the fifth to be exact. You figure after as many times that had to deal with this scenario I would know exactly what to do. NOPE! It becomes harder and harder each time. It has become a nothingness. She gave it to me a long time ago, and then took it away, gave it back, and took it away again, and gave back smiling, and took away again crying. The same old bullshit. Now she has for the final time, I hope. I really don’t want her to give back to me again, because I would probably grap it. This is a regret I really really don’t want her to have. I love her it is as simply as that. I love her with all of my heart, and yeah I’m only twenty three years old, and yeah she was my first love, and yeah their plenty of girls out their, but where does it end? How do you know? I can just hear my mother now, “Your young, you don’t know what love is, you have the rest of your life ahead of you go have fun.” and then in the same breathe “Love? You’ll just know.” What the fuck?